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1400 years on is Islam anti-Feminist?

Have you also had your muslim uncles and aunts ask you why you don’t wear a hijab ? Has it made you want to punch them ? Has it made you want to scream out loud and wish eternal sufferage on them ? Yeah, welcome to this post where we can collectively rage about this ish and rejoice in the company of like minded people !!!

I started wearing a hijab around four years ago and since then, the pressure to cover up has been ginormous on my mother and sister as well. WHICH IS SO POINTLESS. It’s never enough that one of my mom’s daughters decided to wear hijab, her younger one needs to wear one too ! What is this pressure ? Why does it exist ? You know what the worst part is ? THAT NONE OF THEM WEAR A HIJAB THEMSELVES !!!!!

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As I was growing, the idea of Feminism was catching on (yeah, that’s how young I am.) There was also another idea catching on… that Islam is Anti-feminism. THIS idea, unlike the first one, did not sit well with me. I belonged to a muslim family ! And my muslim parents had sent me alllll the way to the Land of the Free, while they chilled in Bahrain ! To study. All alone ! No questions asked, despite the worries of the society (we are Indians by birth) and despite knowing the crap that they would have to deal with, in the coming years.

I was at full liberty to do whatever I liked, dress however I wanted to, basically everything people claim muslim women can’t do. This is probably the MAIN reason I started Hijab. One fine day out of the library, I thought to myself… what must it be like to actively LOOK like a muslim in this post 9/11 world ? Is it time to conduct yet another social experiment ? Though what might have started as an experiment, stayed on because of the extensive research that went behind the idea, until I was convinced that this is how I want to look – like an educated MUSLIM woman, in everyday life. Leading a normal life, quite contrary to popular belief. Proving people wrong when they say “All muslims ever think about is world domination !” Hell yeah I think about World domination – excuse me if I want to be Beyonce (Who run this mother-?)

To me, Hijab was my own idea of Feminism. No woman in my family covered her hair when I started. I was deliberately making the choice of wearing the Hijab. Just like women everyday decide what to wear, what to do with their hair and how to accessorize every outfit. Hijab was going to be my accessory. If you really think about it, it IS just a scarf ! And I don’t even want to get into the whole ‘modesty’ debate. Or the whole candy wrapper and flies comparison.

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WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS EVEN MEAN ? How did this manage to make it to the list of top forwards by muslim uncles on whatsapp ? Why is this okay to propogate ? How dare you call women lollipops – covered or uncovered. In a normal situation, I would even protest calling men flies, but I mean just for this post… they deserve it !

Just as you have no right to tell a woman to not wear a headscarf, you have no rights telling her to wear one either ! This shouldn’t be so hard to understand ! Don’t believe me?  Maybe Prophet Mohammad will help convince you otherwise.

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Islam does not oppress women, muslims do. Islam, gives women the rights to education, work and even driving (I know right ?) Just to name a few of the things women are ‘allowed’ to do in Islam. Where has this regressive mentality come from ? Why are we, as a community, so hell bent onto proving to the world that we stand for anti feministic principles ? Where is the pride in that ?

We are a religion coming from a man who married his widowed boss, after she proposed to him, despite being 15 years older to him – if that doesn’t scream feminism, then I don’t know what does.

by Sharmeen Kidwai

Sharmeen is a 25 year old medical graduate, which makes her a doctor. She graduated in 2016 and has since moved to India, with her husband (2017). She is a Canadian by nationality, but was raised in the middle east for most of her life. She has always loved to write. Only recently though she has realised she can make a difference by choosing her words just right. She says she is “trying to do my bit for the world and those in it, little by little!” 

Disclaimer: the opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the original author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the website
If you would like to submit a blog post, sharing your experiences or perspectives, then please email us on shespeakswehear@gmail.com. You can submit poems, short stories or any other type of post! You can also submit anonymously too.
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10 Examples of Everyday Sexism in the English Language

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The other day I was talking to an acquaintance about a trip he took abroad and the difficulties he’d faced. However, the conversation left me with a niggly unpleasant feeling. You see, as a woman – despite his best intentions – I’d found the conversation offensive. How? Well, it was with one little phrase: “I was such a girl!”

By attempting to describe himself as impatient, scared and moody whilst abroad , he was equating masculinity and “acting like a man” with strength and women and “femininity” with weakness. For someone to unintentionally perpetuate negative sexist stereotypes through a very common expression, sadly shows just how deeply engrained sexism is in our society. This got me thinking about the many other sexist expressions that we (yes even me!) commonly use.

As both men and women, we need to identify sexist language and call it out for what it is. So, here’s 10 more examples of everyday sexism in English.

1. To man up

Telling someone to “man up” means what you’re actually saying is that “being a man” means being “strong”, fearless and confident. You’re saying that men should not show and feel (perfectly normal) emotions. You’re in fact discouraging a sense of positive masculinity and declaring that women are instead weak, over-emotional, scared and un-daring!

2. To grow a pair (of balls)

Women don’t need male genitalia to be strong – despite what the opposite rather vulgar “female equivalent” of this expression would imply! A person is strong irrespective of their gender/sex. We are all on various journeys and paths of development and there are many kinds of strength (emotional, physical, spiritual) which are also irrelevant to sex/gender.

3. To be a sissy

This horrible expression is both sexist, homophobic and transphobic. By calling a man a “sissy”, you’re referring to him as feminine (female-like), “unmanly”, weak and cowardly, as opposed to an apparently strong, brave, “rugged” male specimen…

4. Man and wife

 

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Announcing that the woman is the man’s “property” (instead of declaring “husband and wife”), this expression is thankfully nowadays less common than it used to be. In other languages however such as French, the term “femme” meaning “woman” is still commonly used to refer to your wife. So, it’s not just here. Equal partnerships folks!

5. Maiden name

I won’t get into whether a woman should or shouldn’t change her surname when getting married. What I will say is that the term “maiden name” is incredibly patronisingly sexist. A “maiden” is an outdated term referring to a young (teenage-ish), “innocently naïve” unmarried woman (usually a virgin). This old-fashioned term implies women should be married at a young age and that women above a certain age are “past it”. No. Women have the right to get married whenever they like and should not be defined by their marital status.

6. To wear the trousers in the relationship

Trousers are traditionally associated with masculinity as in earlier days they were only worn by men (when women were seen as men’s property). However, many women now choose to wear (or not wear) trousers, men also don’t own women and nor should women seek to dominate men. A couple is (supposed to be) an equal team made of two individuals with their own strengths and flaws, complete with dialogue, consensus and compromise.

7. Man flu

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Does the man flu even exist? I’m sorry fellas but this just wreaks of a sense of self-entitlement. Women and men both get colds and the flu. The flu is completely debilitating – a cold is not. Don’t shoot me here but women often have more household and childcaring responsibilities and I for one know that when I’m run down I get ill. Male or female – deal with your health issue and if it really is the flu then rest but please don’t make everyone else suffer!

8. Sew your wild oats

The age-old double standard of “sew your wild oats” legitimises male promiscuity and objectifies women as sex objects. Women instead who do the same are however called all number of derogatory names. I’m not here to comment on people’s own sexual behaviour but to point out that there is a clear double standard here. “Sewing your oats” is portrayed as some kind of masculine biological-anthropological “natural need” even in the 21st century.

9. Boys will be boys

Parents and relatives may say: “Ah well, boys will be boys” to excuse all manner of things at any given moment (usually during their youth). At the same time, the same would not be said for the girls. Using this expression implies that men can do X, Y Z freely but girls must not. Once again, there’s a clear double standard here.

10. To get your knickers in a twist

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Going back to number six and the stereotype of men as strong, dominant and independent, knickers (a female garment) are instead associated with awkward moodiness, over-sensitivity and irrationality. Men obviously have their own undergarments and as with examples 1 and 2, are portrayed as strong, emotionless, brave specimens in their masculinity in the crudest of terms!

So, there you have it. This language ultimately boils down to a sexist, misogynistic dichotomy of:
Male / man / masculine = strong vs. Female / woman / feminine = weak

Well, let me tell you this: women are strong. We all have emotions and how we feel is certainly not a “weakness”. Every human being is an individual and we should not to be defined by our martial status, age, gender etc. So please, let’s avoid such sexist language and spread a more positive egalitarian message!

By Elizabeth Arif-Fear

Elizabeth Arif-Fear is a writer/blogger, development professional and human rights activist. As founder of “Voice of Salam” (Voice of Peace), Liz writes on a range of social, political, human rights, intercultural and interfaith issues, aiming to spread a message of peace, tolerance and unity. Liz is particularly passionate about addressing key issues affecting women, children, refugees, migrants and ethnic minorities and addressing both extremist and Islamophobic rhetoric.   You can follow her on Facebook @VoiceofSalamand on Twitter @Voice_of_Salam

Disclaimer: the opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the original author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the website
If you would like to submit a blog post, sharing your experiences or perspectives, then please email us on shespeakswehear@gmail.com. You can submit poems, short stories or any other type of post! You can also submit anonymously too.


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Veganuary: vegetarianism and Islam

There is almost always an ongoing debate as to which dietary choice reaps the most benefits. While vegans argue that their lifestyle is of value and is environment friendly, non-vegetarians strike back with the argument that it is severely lacking in a lot of nutrients.

Islam, as we all know, isn’t merely a religion. It is a way of life. What do I mean by that? Simply that there are clear guidelines already set for us. What to eat, how to eat, what to wear, what not to, what is considered healthy (physically and spiritually) and the list goes on. Seriously, if you ever have any doubt about how to do a certain thing, or whether or not to do it at all, rest assure that it’s already been made clear.

Moreover, if animals are to be considered as communities just like ours, is it then fair for us to raise and breed them for the sole purpose of commercializing them?

 

With regards to food, most people believe, and I know this for I’ve been told many a times, that if you’re a Muslim, you MUST be eating meat everyday right? I mean come on, are you really taking full benefit of the fact that you’re actually prescribed to eating non veg? So let me burst all your bubbles. We are actually advised AGAINST eating meat on regular basis. (Collective gasps.) It’s true. In the Quran it is said,

“And there is no creature on [or within] the earth or bird that flies with its wings except [that they are] communities like you”….. (6:38)

and at another place it is mentioned:

“Eat and drink from the provision of Allah, and do not commit abuse on the earth, spreading corruption.”… (2:60)

To anyone unfamiliar with the meanings of these verses, it indicates towards wasteful consumption, which frankly is what the meat industry has become today. Moreover, if animals are to be considered as communities just like ours, is it then fair for us to raise and breed them for the sole purpose of commercializing them? Of course the meaning of “Eating and drinking from the provisions of Allah” denotes that while it isn’t absolutely wrong to consume meats and such, it is definitely not within the principles of Islam to abuse the animals and overkill them.

There are plenty of Ahadith that point towards the tradition of the prophet and his companions following a semi vegetarian diet and treating meat as a luxury as opposed to a necessity. In fact when Umar Ibn Al Khattab (RA) became caliph, he prohibited people from eating meat two days in a row, stating that “meat has an addiction like wine”. Science point of view, meat is definitely more difficult to digest as compared to eating other vegetarian foods, this causes increased lethargy to perform any duties, which was severely disliked. It had also been discovered only in these past few years, that eating fewer calories not only helps the body function better, but improves quality of life and improves longevity.

It is mentioned that the Prophet (pbuh) has been reported saying “Man does not fill a container more evil than his belly. It is sufficient for man to eat that amount which straightens his back [i.e. a few morsels to gain some energy]. If this is not possible then a third for food, a third for drink and a third for air” (Sunan Tirmidhi, Hadith: 2380 and Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith: 3349)

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Therefore it is evident that while it is not been forbidden to eat meat, over consumption doesn’t particularly fit in with the ethics of Islam either. Of course, I am not trying to establish that one MUST become a vegetarian, however, it very essential to revive the sunnah of our beloved Prophet in order to lead a righteous lifestyle in accordance with Islamic principles. Making sure the food we eat is Halal tayyib should be of primary importance to every Muslim, as should abstaining from things that have been prohibited or disliked by Allah and our beloved Prophet (pbuh).

So, if you feel like it makes sense to adopt a vegan lifestyle (and I mean not just in terms of food, but otherwise ethically as well), then you should totally go ahead with it. Even if it is for a few days. However, nutritionally speaking, do make sure you do adequate research before you jump on the bandwagon, if only to avoid the nutritional deficiencies that might easily occur.

I have tried my best to authentic as best as I can all the sources of the Ahadith, as well as the translation of the verses. If however, I have made any error in my interpretation, feel free to correct it.

By Shiza Khan

Shiza Khan is an Indian Muslim Clinical Dietitian with a penchant for health foods, I believe the right food can heal the body, mind and the soul. On a mission to making holistic health a possibility, I can be found devouring books in my free time and sharing my ideas on a little corner of the internet. If you want to read more of her ideas and recipes, visit her blog and follow her on Instagram @cal.conn 
Disclaimer: the opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the original author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the website
If you would like to submit a blog post, sharing your experiences or perspectives, then please email us on shespeakswehear@gmail.com. You can submit poems, short stories or any other type of post! You can also submit anonymously too.
Images credit: Veganuary.com and @cal.conn 


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Introducing Project Ribcage

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Our founder Akeela Ahmed  had the honour of being interviewed by the awesome women of new and up and coming initiative ‘Project Ribcage’. You can watch her interview here and read more about them in their own words below. The Project Ribcage team are Saffana, Fatimah and Faizah. 

Project Ribcage is an initiative that came about after we- a couple of friends – grew tired by the number of articles/ opinions/ reports/ documentaries about Muslims consistently written and produced by non-Muslims. Within that flooded field of content, was a superficial fascination in Muslim women. It became increasingly apparent that the version of women portrayed, created a laughably unrecognisable narrative with which many of us couldn’t identify. This became serious when the indirect consequences were understood. As mass media has a role in sculpting perspectives that shape society this will negatively impact the self-image of young Muslims and how they understand themselves relative to the world around them. The focus on Muslim women means that impact on young girls is particularly damaging, and unsurprisingly, this would therefore limit the perception of their own potential.

“Being mathematicians and econometricians by discipline, we were unable to ignore the knock-on effect this would have on future generations- starting in academic achievement, career opportunities, and inevitably economic standing and social progress.”

Being mathematicians and econometricians by discipline, we were unable to ignore the knock-on effect this would have on future generations- starting in academic achievement, career opportunities, and inevitably economic standing and social progress. We assumed personal responsibility in partaking in the team effort to “reclaim the narrative”, and thus, Project Ribcage was born. An aim to create an accurate representation of Muslim women to change perceptions and mitigate the damage caused. We would do this by presenting a source of inspiration in the form of documenting real Muslim women’s accomplishments.

Admittedly, the journey started off without exact clarity of the target audience. Initially the project was aimed at the younger generation, Muslims and non-Muslims alike.

This changed after one conversation. One of us volunteered on an employers’ mentoring program. This program was aimed at a select group of students in the surrounding schools, focusing specifically on those from disadvantaged backgrounds. It would teach them about the industry, and nurture professional skills whilst exposing them to an environment that they wouldn’t typically be exposed to. It culminated in a competition between the schools.

That year’s winners were a group of girls from East London. They were an accurate cross-section of that school’s demographic; almost all Muslim.

In congratulating the young ladies, it turned out that in the previous year, the same school had forfeited half way through – they felt that the competition had absolutely no relevance to them personally. This time, the participants saw a mentor with whom they could identify. They didn’t just stay, they won.

“Our aim is to elevate the perception that Muslim women have of themselves by showing them real success stories with the end goal of changing society.”

This shook the boat so much that it changed the tone of the project, it became apparent that there is very little need to tailor the message to anyone else. The people who need to hear and see this the most looked like us. So, at this stage, we narrowed it down and started finding the women who we wished we knew existed when we were young.

Our aim is to elevate the perception that Muslim women have of themselves by showing them real success stories with the end goal of changing society. It’s a matter of changing from the inside out. How could we expect to change people’s perception of Muslims if Muslims haven’t changed the perception of themselves? Once Muslim women realise their full potential, society will follow suit and recognise their contributions. We play to our strengths and leverage our understanding of the nuances of the umma and use it to address our audience. If others see Project Ribcage in the process, that’s great too.

Apart from the reasons explained above, another reason to fine tune the audience, is that we have no real interest in ‘normalising’ Muslim women. We are convinced that a unanimous effort to justify our existence to those who don’t particularly care is now not our battle. And we think that this has taken away from time that could have been spent on progress. Because of this, the bar of “success” has been set so low, that we have stunted our growth. Tailoring what we make to a Muslim audience allows us to skip to “normalisation” stage and go straight to the real content. We want to peacock and celebrate achievements to show that women are phenomenal, always have been, always will be.

We are interviewing inspiring Muslim women with a vision to create a catalogue, telling an individual truth in each entry. Understanding how each woman does what she does, and why. For us, we have found that the best way to reclaim the narrative is to ignore the notion of anything else but each woman’s truth.

Alhamdulillah so far, we’ve gone from strength to strength. The team has grown since the project started, and now we have more people dedicated to the cause. Amazing women have taken time to tell us their story and their vision of success.  We discuss obstacles faced along the way and ask their top tips to those interested in a similar career. We listen to the women who are speaking from a place of experience and integrity and jump over hurdles together.

Our archive will extend to viewers around the world, for as long as the internet will allow. We want to be synonymous with motivation and the hope to be better than you were yesterday. Our site should be a place where women can go to listen to others who can be the spark that they need after a tough commute home. After all, someone else, at some point, somewhere in the world has experienced the same problem you may be facing, and understanding this is vital.

Amongst our list of interviewees are food bloggers, academics, artists and poets etc.
One of our recent interviewees is Suhaiymah, aka @thebrownhijabi. She is an MA graduate, a writer, poet and TEDx speaker. She discusses race, gender and islamophobia. She speaks explicitly about the objections and the rejections she has experienced but though her belief in herself and her message she persevered and continues to succeed in a similar field.

Our ultimate vision is to present the epicentre of the shift in the mindset of a generation. We want to put together the case that Muslim women, like any group of marginalised people, can elevate themselves to a position of power by building on the network that currently exists.

If you would like to keep updated, follow us on our social media accounts. Project Ribcage we can be found on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and SoundCloud – @projectribcage. Visit our website www.projectribcage.com for an archive of all our written pieces and video interviews with amazing Muslim women.

Disclaimer: the opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the original author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the website
If you would like to submit a blog post, sharing your experiences or perspectives, then please email us on shespeakswehear@gmail.com. You can submit poems, short stories or any other type of post! You can also submit anonymously too.


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My mother in law made my first year of marriage hell

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My honeymoon. My wedding dress. My glasses…

These are just some of the examples my mother in law (MiL) felt justified to tell me I’m in the wrong. I was in the wrong to go on honeymoon for two weeks because she “might die”. I was in the wrong to wear a wedding dress that had short sleeves because I’m a hijabi (I didn’t wear hijab on my wedding day, a whole ‘nother conversation with my MiL – but my husband wanted to see me look extra nice for just one day). I was also in the wrong to wear my glasses day to day because “a new bride should always look beautiful”.

“When me and my husband have been so close to divorce several times in this first year, it feels unnecessary and inaccurate to “celebrate” our first anniversary.”

I’ve just marked one year of marriage. I say “marked” rather than celebrate because it has been a such tough year. When me and my husband have been so close to divorce several times in this first year, it feels unnecessary and inaccurate to “celebrate” our first anniversary. What would we celebrate? Surviving? That we held on? That I spent so many nights and days crying, begging my husband to give me – and us – some distance from his family so that we could work on us. I know the first years of marriage are always tough, I never expected it to be a bed of roses and all romance and glamour. But I also didn’t expect my in laws to criticise me on every little thing. And it is EVERY little thing.

It started very very early. Before I was even married. I was told what I could, and more importantly, COULDNT wear on my own wedding. I dreamt of my outfit, like all girls. The princess dress, the jewellery, the tradition. But I was told “no, that’s old fashioned. I don’t like it. You should wear this.” I respectfully disagreed and said this is what I’ve always wanted. So I wore what I wanted – and more importantly, what my husband was happy with. And boy, a year since my wedding and I STILL hear about how wrong I was…

I don’t live with my in laws, there’s no space in their house. Everyone told me this was a blessing. And considering the strain they’ve had on my marriage, I know for a fact if I did live with them, I would have been divorced by now. But everytime I do go round – which used to be several times a week, but now less – I was always always criticised. For not wearing jewellery. For not wearing make up. For wearing my glasses. I dress modestly. Abayas and long dresses, I’m not a flashy person. But my MiL wanted me to be more “beautiful”. Then I was constantly made to feel like a bad wife and daughter in law. Pointing out things to me like my husband hasn’t had a hair cut, or he’s wearing an old tshirt – apparently it was my fault that my husband chose comfy clothes over dressy ones, it meant I wasn’t looking after him. Because I didn’t spend every single day with them, “so and so’s wife stays at home everyday and cooks with her MiL”. Then there was the time I was in an and out of hospital for over a month, seriously ill, close to multiple organ failure if my illness hadn’t been caught in time. My MiL didn’t come to visit me in hospital. But she would ring me. To ask when I’d be home again because “my son is alone and I don’t like it when he’s alone”….

The best was when we had to go to a relatives house soon after marriage. My husband chose my outfit, a pretty black abaya with turquoise sequins and embroidery – AND I wore make up. In front of my husband, my MiL said I looked nice. As soon as my husband left the room –

“You shouldn’t listen to him when he tells you how to dress, you look rough.” And then when my husband would question her on it “I was just joking, where’s her sense of humour?!” If had a penny for everytime she’s used that after saying something to me…

All marriages come with strains, pressures and expectations. But when they come from the in laws rather than the couple itself, it can have devastating effects. My husband and I have barely managed to scrape through our first year of marriage. And it saddens me, because it’s not due to us. We haven’t failed as a couple. We love each other, and obviously have our normal ups and downs. But our culture needs to change. Our parents generation needs to understand that their boys don’t get married for the sake of their parents, that their son’s wives aren’t for them to belittle and dictate to. They need to understand that their son’s wives are human. That they’ve sacrificed everything when they got married. They left their own family behind, possibly even moved cities. And the last thing they need is to be told they’re not good enough. Instead they need to be welcomed. To receive kindness and love. This woman is your son’s happiness. She is someone’s daughter. And if you wouldn’t speak to your own daughter like that, then why would you think it’s ok to speak to someone else’s daughter that way…?

by Anon

Image credit: https://flic.kr/p/5xfM1X

Disclaimer: the opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the original author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the website

If you would like to submit a blog post, sharing your experiences or perspectives, then please email us on shespeakswehear@gmail.com. You can submit poems, short stories or any other type of post! You can also submit anonymously too.


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Ladies: Beware of the fake (male) feminist

man-2819044_1920Feminism. The word’s got a bit of a bad reputation, hasn’t it? Mention you’re a feminist in a crowd of people and they may think you’re a man-hating “modernist” out to take over the world and crush all menfolk.

Now mention the word equality and you might be onto something. We all want to treat each other fairly and equally, don’t we? Or, so we think…

See, whilst we all know how to spot an out and proud “anti-feminist” and the worst cases of discrimination and furthermore violence against girls and women (FGM, child marriage, eradicating female education and so on), an equally worrying dilemma is that of the fake feminist.

Now, when I say feminist, let me be clear from the word go. The men I’m talking about in particular (like many people in fact) won’t call themselves feminists. “Feminist” is a “Western”, quirky word apparently…. No, definitely not. But they do quite openly believe in women’s equality – despite cultural and traditional pressures both behind the scenes and out in the open. So, how do they do this you might ask?

Well, here are some examples:

  • They encourage their sisters to go to university
  • They openly state that men and women are equal
  • They’re repulsed at and denounce child marriage, FGM and other forms of gender-based violence
  • They believe that women should (if they wish) be active in the workplace and their female relatives often work
  • They claim to be looking for a “partner”, an equal or a love-match – not simply a “wife” (in his words: a submissive maid with whom he’s got nothing in common)

Right, sounds good so far. So, what’s the issue you may ask? Well see, feminism i.e. gender equality isn’t (simply) about women going to work and not being locked up at home. It’s not just about being safe from violence, it’s about equality: financially, sexually, spiritually, socially, culturally and emotionally.

Here’s the definition from the Cambridge dictionary just to clarify:

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See, it’s there in black and white: “the same rights, power, and opportunities as men…”

Now – whilst I’m not trying to tar all men with the same brush – the fake feminist will do all the things I’ve already pointed out but at the same time:

  • He won’t help out with the housework/equally share chores when both partners are working (or even see it as his responsibility)
  • He won’t encourage his wife in her career and community pursuits
  • Equally so, he could also be demeaning to his wife who decides to stay at home and care for her children (a full-time job in itself!) when the family are in no financial hardship
  • He won’t prioritise his wife’s sexual needs

In short, the fake feminist hides behind sexist outdated stereotypes, attitude and norms. In reality, the male fake feminist actually feels intimidated by a successful, independent, confident woman. When challenged as to why one standard exists for men and another for women, he’ll simply say: “Well, my sister is happy doing it” or “It’s just the way it is”.

So, to these men I ask: why do you feel do intimated by women? You know what equality is surely? Or do you…? It’s quite simply (on a basic level) what you have and enjoy! It’s the things you do, the places you go and the dreams you pursue. Yet, such men appear to be so engrained in their socio-cultural bubble, so threatened by the reality of female equality that they struggle with the very concept – just like all openly proud misogynists who’d automatically denounce feminism and female equality in all terms, regardless of semantics.

Yes, the fake male feminists I’m talking about claim to want an independent woman but in reality, what they’re really looking for is often an educated woman that will still do all of the housework, that will still put him first and that will still take full or primary responsibility for the childrearing.

The question I’d therefore propose to these men is: are you ready to handle a woman who demands to be treated as your equal? Are you ready to share the housework? Are you passionate about encouraging your wife to follow her interests? Are you ready to feed the baby and change nappies? Are you ready to put on an apron if you come home early from work and your wife’s still on the way home from the office?

See, a confident, self-assured man who truly believes in female equality doesn’t feel intimated by his wife’s success. Like a jealous, insecure “fake friend”, such behaviour reveals more about such men (not women) than they realise. Remember, if you truly believed in equality of the sexes, what you wish for yourself if what you’d wish for you wife.

So, ladies: watch out for the fake feminist. Put him to the test before you dedicate your life to him. Actions always speak louder than words… And gentlemen: don’t be a fake feminist. Be the man she deserves and encourage her to be the woman she so proudly is

By Elizabeth Arif-Fear

Elizabeth Arif-Fear is a writer/blogger, development professional and human rights activist. As founder of “Voice of Salam” (Voice of Peace), Liz writes on a range of social, political, human rights, intercultural and interfaith issues, aiming to spread a message of peace, tolerance and unity. Liz is particularly passionate about addressing key issues affecting women, children, refugees, migrants and ethnic minorities and addressing both extremist and Islamophobic rhetoric.   You can follow her on Facebook @VoiceofSalam and on Twitter @Voice_of_Salam

Disclaimer: the opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the original author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the websbite


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Wonder Women: an interview with Founder of ‘Sisters in Business’ Hanifa

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At SSWH we are keen to promote upcoming everyday women who are following through their passions and dreams by doing great things, in a particular area of their lives – work, life, campaigning, business or the creative sector. These women are making a difference, changing lives, and their actions are like ripples in a pond, causing a cascade of change.

October 11 2017, marked the fifth year of the International Day of the Girl and to celebrate we are launching our new series ‘Wonder Women’ which will feature everyday diverse women, who are all in their own right trail blazers.

Our first Wonder Woman is Hanifa, who had an idea a year ago to bring together her passion for business and her faith. She soon founded ‘Sisters in Business’, click on the link to follow their Instagram page.

SSWH: Please tell us about yourself.

Hanifa: I am a revert, mother to 3 kids and a wife Alhamdulilah, I reverted (converted to Islam) 13 years ago from Christianity. I currently work within the NHS sector and have been for the last 10 years within the maternity field as a qualified breastfeeding consultant, Alhamdulilah. I am a sister who has skilled and qualified myself in many things e.g. Hijama, (cupping) and hairdressing.

SSWH: Why did you start the ‘Sisters in Business’ network? How many events have you had so far and what types of women attend your events?

Hanifa: Sisters In Business was an idea that I wrote down one year ago, but finally put it all together this year, Alhamdulilah. As a business owner myself I was always faced with going to networking events that were contradictory to my faith; I either was amongst men, music and alcohol and it just didn’t sit right with me being in that environment. Not to mention how boring networking events can horribly be.  As someone who has always planned parties and gatherings for sisters ( those who know me, know what a fab party I throw down lol) I knew that having an outlet is very important. I knew there were many sisters who would love to attend networking sessions but unfortunately couldn’t due to whatever reason, I also saw to many sisters start but always stopped running their businesses due to lack of support and connections I wanted to create a platform that was specifically for sisters who wanted to run their businesses to the next level.

Our recent launch event saw women bakers, bloggers, corporate women, mix-tresses, those who have business ideas as well as those who just wanted to meet new sisters. As always I am always looking for ways to make the events fun, as the business world can be boring, as well as lonely. And I wanted the events to be engaging whilst also a space for learning. It is important that these events are social too.

SSWH: What do you hope to achieve with the network?

Hanifa: My overall achievement is to create a hub for sisters from sisters all over the world with tips, advice and best if all opportunities to connect with one another.

SSWH: What motivates and inspires you?

Hanifa: My children are always my motivation, my husband inspires me as he never gives up whatever he has his hands on. I am just a combination of someone who always wants to help women achieve their best, as well as being someone who is always striving to achieve the best too.

SSWH: Do you have any tips for anyone wishing to start-up their own network or turn their idea into reality?

Hanifa: My tips are simple yet effective:

  • Start by writing your thoughts and ideas down – you cant run from what is down in front of you.
  • Never doubt your potential – sometimes we seek validation from others before we put things into action.
  • Gain as much knowledge as you can from those within that field – knowledge is a cure for ignorance.
  • Trial & error – be prepared to fail, stumble and not reach that particular goal. Its ok, just reframe and re evaluate your route to success.

SSWH: How do you motivate Muslim women and help them to realise their entrepreneurial goals?

Hanifa: How I motivate women is giving them the confidence to be in their own element, for example why limit your product to the pound shop when you can aim to have your product in oxford street? Giving them a platform to seek business knowledge without feeling judged or compromising their faith. I help them to unlock their potential – it is easy for women to think they can’t when in fact they can.

Our sincere thanks to Hanifa for answering our questions!

Interview by Akeela Ahmed (follow her @AkeelaAhmed)