Listen up men (and women) out there who deny the very real misogyny that exists in all cultures and societies, including faith groups – yes thats right faith groups too. It is not unIslamic to call out sexism, sexual harassment and sexual violence, which all stem from a deep hatred and objectification of women. Samayya has written a heartfelt plea to anyone who will call out oppression against ‘their own’ but deny that ‘their own’ can also do the same or much worse.Â
I’ve held my tongue so much on this but I am beyond despair. For a while now I’ve realised that Muslim men who will amplify our voices and back us up when we (rightly) challenge Prevent, the criminalisation of Muslims and Islamophobia, sometimes become the same ones who will humiliate, ridicule, belittle, disbelieve and abandon us when we highlight misogyny, abuse and the perverse entitlement men have over women’s bodies. Go figure.
“Taking issue with the actions of a Muslim man ends up being seen as though we’re taking issue with God himself.”
Thankfully, this isn’t reflective of the majority of good people. But for this specific type – solidarity is too much to ask, instead we’re given lectures about how we need to turn back to Islam for answers to the problems we try to challenge. They won’t even engage or accept that a woman’s experiences are different from their own. They’ll find a way to absolve men and accuse you of fitnah. They’ll act as though they’re the upholders, the gatekeepers, the defenders, owners and protectors of the religion and we’re just Muslim by accident. Taking issue with the actions of a Muslim man ends up being seen as though we’re taking issue with God himself. Seek your answers, they’ll say – but only where we tell you that you can. As though a woman highlighting misogyny renders her an outside observer.
If you think this doesn’t describe you – fantastic – but don’t think that this attitude doesn’t exist. I face it all too often. I’m sick of repeating myself and I’m even sicker of conversations that begin on the premise that women have to sacrifice themselves and keep silent about problems to afford the wider community some sort of protection.
So I’ll invite you to reflect, if this is the way you think – if you have such an established response to how we struggle against sexism – where’s your contribution? How often have you told your fellow men to abandon their superiority complexes and their abuse and violence as vociferously as you tell women to abandon their voice? How many battered women have you given shelter to? How many times have you stopped a man from belittling a woman’s experience in the workplace, on the street, outside the mosque, on Facebook or Twitter? What schemes have you put in place to ensure women have access to scholarship and education and training? Where are the rape crisis centres you’ve campaigned to keep open? Where are the mosque floors you’ve built so that women can access prayer and support. What is your record? What will you say to God on the day of judgement when the woman you’ve wronged complains of your treatment?
After all, why are women in your own community viewed as suspect when they raise their voice about abuse? Do you dispute the systematic rape of Bosnian and Rohingya women? The oppression of Palestinian women? Why can you only see our humanity when someone else is robbing us of it? Why are you blind to it yourselves?
I’m sick of this ignorant response, and maybe it’s my fault for expecting better from people who claim to follow the example of Prophet Muhammad (saw). So my polite request is that if you can’t say anything to help, then don’t say anything to me at all.
I pray that these people never get to experience even an ounce of what women have to suffer at the hands of men. If they knew of it, they would never dream of belittling us. May Allah swt forgive them because at this point, I have no capacity to even try.
By Samayya Afzal
This post was originally put up as a public Facebook post on Samayya’s personal Facebook profile. We felt this plea to Muslim men everywhere was very important and needed amplification.Â
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Image credit:Â https://www.swissinfo.ch/eng/detention-debate_tariq-ramadan-hospitalised-in-france/43908268