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More needs to be done to protect the mental health of young British Muslims

In a society where Muslims are constantly placed under the lens, examined, picked apart and policed for their views, it can be argued that the chances of young Muslims developing and suffering from mental disorders is increasing. From anxiety to depression, the mental and physical health of the Muslim community is deteriorating, with there being a lack of support and recognition of this issue within our local communities and groups. But more than anything, the increase in such disorders demonstrates how the current narrative that is prominent in society is becoming increasingly problematic to the growth of young Muslims across the world.

Social media is a wonderful tool that allows us to stay connected to millions of people from all over the world, from different backgrounds and communities, thus providing us with stories, both good and bad, from all over the world. However, for all of its benefits, social media has also developed an ugly side where racism, xenophobia, sexism and bullying of all types has become prominent. With the rise of videos portraying attacks on visibly Muslim men and women circulating across platforms like Twitter, Instagram and Facebook, and with organisations like Tell Mama and CAIR reporting that ‘2017 is to be the worst year for anti – Muslim hate crime’, it is becoming harder for Muslims to ignore the rising anti – Muslim sentiment.

As a young Muslim, I constantly find myself in conversation with other Muslims who talk about their struggles with mental health and the constant pressure and dread they feel whenever terrorist incidents happen. Creating a focus group, I asked some young British Muslim students about their experiences and views when discussing the mainstram narrative in the media. As one young Muslim woman, aged 20, explains,


“The reaction of Muslims is no different to that of any individual, the first thought that rushes to our minds is that we hope that people are okay.’ As she explains, ‘Despite being Muslim, we are also British – these aren’t two mutually exclusive identities, but rather one – I am a British Muslim, and as a result I care for those living within my community.”

This idea was supported by others within the discussion, with many explaining how the backlash of the media coverage causes them to worry as it ‘gives the far-right fuel to attack us’. Many also expressed their discontent at the response of the local authorities, with one individual making reference to the acid attack in East London which saw a young Muslim woman and her cousin suffering severe burns and the felt reluctancy of the authorities to proactively seek out the perpetrator.

When asked about how they felt leaving their homes as visible Muslims, or how they felt about loved ones who did observe religious wear, many expressed their concerns. One woman, also 20, explained how it ‘felt dangerous to be brown’, with many agreeing given the current climate and rise in acid attacks they felt as though they were more likely to be victims, even if they weren’t wearing religious attire.

This has also raised the question over the racialised aspect of Islamophobia, with many pointing to individuals like Tommy Robinson for solely attacking the South Asian, but also more generally, the BME Muslim community and their failure to ‘integrate’. Many Muslim women have also expressed their concerns over travelling alone, as many feel afraid to look ‘too Muslim’ in public for fear that they may be attacked or harrassed. The men within the discussion also raised concerns that when dressed in Islamic clothing they felt ‘on edge’, but also expressed their sympathy as they believed Muslim women were more at risk of being victimised.

Many young Muslims have also taken to Twitter to criticise the ‘apologetic culture’ that has become prominent, where Muslims have to rush to defend themselves online whenever news breaks of a terrorist attack, with this happening before it is even confirmed that the perpetrator was a Muslim. Many argue that such actions not only emphasise the alleged relationship between Islam and terrorism, but that the only people who should apologise are the perpetrators, not the entire Muslim community. However, some have argued that condemnations are needed, as without these they feel they (Muslims) would be more ostracised from society.  This also shows how within this spectrum of opinions, Muslims are conscious of their image and how they come across within society.

Not only are young Muslims being exposed to the hateful discourse online, but many are starting to doubt their own faith and are taking steps to disassociate themselves from their religion in order to escape the hate they may receive. Some Muslims have explained how there is a ‘sense of anxiety surrounding the Muslim community’, with others explaining how many Muslims ‘feeling ashamed of their own religion’. This sentiment not only demonstrates the alienation they experience virtually, but also from their own local support system, as pulling away from the religion causes personal relationships to break down, thus making more Muslims prone to mental health disorders like depression and anxiety. Many individuals have explained how they have taken their hijabs off or shaved their beards in order to look less Muslim or shorten their names in order to ‘blend in’. As one individual explains,

‘We shouldn’t be excluded from society because we choose to practice our faith’.

Therefore, it becomes clear that the current discourse surrounding Muslims is proving detrimental to Muslim mental health. Stuck between constantly apologising to not apologising enough, to being Muslim or ‘not Muslim enough’, the current Muslim generation is growing up in a time where they are placed under the critical lense, leaving them in a complex paradox. Add this to the existing issues young people face whilst growing up, it can be argued that young Muslims are finding it harder to hold onto their religion and their own identity. More must be done within the Muslim community to tackle the issues surrounding mental health, anxiety and to nurture the spiritual growth of our youth. Whether that be through self help workshops or mindfulness and counselling at our local community centres or mosques, we must be more proactive in creating a generation of Muslims who are confident with their identity and can be strong minded individuals.

by Zahraa A

 

Zahraa A is currently going into her final year of my International Relations degree. She loves anything and everything political or historic, with postcolonial theory, feminism and anything surrounding political movements from the PoC/BME community, Muslims and her own South Asian culture being her key interests. She blogs at ‘The Muslim Diaspora‘.

Disclaimer: the opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the original author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the websbite
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Breastfeeding shaming needs to stop

https://flic.kr/p/5uGfo8

Last week was World Breastfeeding Week, and yet again there are reports that the UK has the lowest rates of breastfeeding in the world. Breastfeeding is one of those topics that any blogger should be terrified to write about. It is so controversial, so politicised, yet it really shouldn’t have to be so complicated.

It’s controversial because mothers are routinely shamed for “not trying hard enough”. But the reality is, women are just not supported enough. There is so much pressure to breastfeed without an adequate support structure in place. Breastfeeding seems to be about NHS quotas and targets these days; but, you can’t expect more women to breastfeed without supporting them properly.

I’m writing this as a woman, who has one child who was formula-fed after two weeks and the second who went from combination feeding to eventually being exclusively breastfed. I don’t feel shame for how I fed my children because I know I tried my best both times around, and I don’t care about judgment from others because nobody knows my experience apart from me. But my experience of being a first-time mother was so different from doing it the second time around.

The guilt and shame started during pregnancy, when in an NHS ante-natal class, a group of nervous first-timers were fed the mind-numbingly stupid idea formula was akin to giving your baby McDonald’s. This is the last thing a first-time mother needs to hear; it is not helpful and most women know the benefits of breast milk versus formula.

The nightmare continues after birth: the midwife (who in some cases, has no real personal experience of her own) expecting you to feed, feed, feed all night without a break, and that’s after you’ve just spent a good few hours, maybe even days, bringing a human being into the world. It’s relentless.

Breastfeeding is hard. Let’s not pretend otherwise. When we are pregnant, we are often told that breastfeeding is a beautiful, natural experience that will come easily to us, that we were made to do this, and made to feel that it is our God-given purpose as women. We imagine ourselves as glamorous as the super-model, Gisele; feeding while glowing like a Goddess, while simultaneously being pampered by a team of hovering beauty experts. And then, our babies are born, and reality hits home. I’m not going to go into the gory details, but you all know what I’m talking about. We persist, and sometimes it works; other times, we try and try and it doesn’t. And that’s okay.

When I couldn’t breastfeed my first child, I went through a period of mourning because for a long time, I did wonder if I could have done more, even though I knew deep-down that I had made the right decision. I took time to read Suzanne Barston’s book, “Bottled Up: How the Way We Feed Babies Has Come to Define Motherhood, and Why It Shouldn’t.” Barston is the writer behind the formula-centric blog, Fearless Formula Feeder. The book explains that for various reasons, not everyone can breastfeed, and women shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about it.

Like it or not, formula isn’t poison. Formula fed a generation, and many of us are here (healthy and happy!) because of formula. Let’s not forget that many women also had wet nurses, so clearly, not everyone was miraculously able to breastfeed a hundred years ago.

If women weren’t made to feel that feeding their baby was an exclusive choice between pure poison or nature’s golden milk, then maybe they wouldn’t put so much pressure on themselves to feed.

Breastfeeding is tied to hormones and stress. When you are anxious, you produce adrenalin, which can affect your production of prolactin, the hormone that is trying to help you to produce milk. Nursing can help to reduce stress, but there are also some studies which show that physical and mental stress can cut the flow of oxytocin, the hormone responsible for stimulation of milk ejection (milk letdown) . If oxytocin is low, this can affect your supply of milk.

In simple terms, relaxation is really important for a breastfeeding mother. So maybe, just maybe, if formula was presented as an option to fall back on, more women would be able to relax and try hard to breastfeed, without the psychological fear of not filling up their baby’s tummy.

Because many women want to breastfeed. It’s not that they don’t want to, it’s just that they are human. Motherhood is bloody difficult. You have to do whatever it takes to survive, to get through one day after the next, to keep going, and pick yourself up every time your child doesn’t eat, or refuses to sleep, or throws the mother of all tantrums in public. If that means giving some formula to help you survive, so be it. If women don’t want to breastfeed, or want to mix-feed, let’s not shame them for their choices.

I truly believe that if a happy mum means a happy child. Motherhood is messy and complicated, and the happiness and intelligence of your child rests on far more than just the milk you feed them in the early years of their life.

But the real crux of this post is to ask why more women don’t breastfeed, and I think part of the reason is the overtly sexualised culture in the UK. We seem to have forgotten somewhere down the line, that breasts are intended for feeding babies and that is their primary function.

Why, in the 21st century, is there so much controversy about public breastfeeding? A couple of years ago, the luxury hotel Claridge’s came under fire for insisting that a baby breastfed at afternoon tea was covered up with a napkin. Yet, this is the same country where up to 2015, newspapers would routinely publish totally uncovered breasts on Page 3. The practice was only dropped two years ago. Lingerie models are on display in every public shopping centre that sells underwear, but God forbid, that we see a tiny bit of skin for a millisecond while a baby latches on. And you could always, you know, not look.

We need to remove the stigma around public breastfeeding, because this is partly the reason why women stop.  Because our society doesn’t prioritise the baby’s needs, and because there are some who would give more importance to their discomfort over the sight of a woman nurturing her infant. It is not always easy to find a private space, and although, legally you can breastfeed anywhere, women are often made to feel uncomfortable with public feeding.

As a society, we need to give more importance to the needs of the child and to increase the importance of the family. Not only are breastfeeding rates low, but England also has some of the unhappiest children in the world. Across the pond in Europe, the culture is centred much more around family life and the needs of children in particular. It’s something the UK could certainly learn from.

Breastfeeding has a whole host of additional health and social benefits for babies, and it would be somewhat naïve to deny this. But rather than judgment, shame and pressure, let’s make it easier, not harder. The culture needs to change to boost women’s confidence and give them the support they so vitally need to achieve successful breastfeeding.

Image credit: Breastfed graffiti, https://flic.kr/p/5uGfo8 – Eli Duke via Flickr
Disclaimer: the opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the original author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the website.


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Muslim women MPs winning nation-wide is the best response to UKIP lies

UKIP peddled lies about Muslim women during their election campaign, yet Muslim women won 8 times more seats than them – becoming a Muslim Women’s Powerhouse.

On 23rd April 2017 Paul Nuttal, UKIP leader (at the time) told the BBC’s Andrew Marr Show that “58 per cent of Muslim women are economically inactive”. He then went on to link this to these Muslim women supposedly wearing face veils, adding: “If you’re not showing your face it precludes you from a lot of jobs”.*

The problem with this statement (and many others that he made) is that Paul Nuttal wasn’t just misleading people about Muslim women in the UK, he was practically lying about them and getting away with it.

Being ‘economically inactive’ isn’t the same as being ‘unemployed’. The UKIP leader was deliberately conflating the two terms, vilifying Muslim women and presenting them as an unnecessary burden on society. (After all they could be out working if it wasn’t for their supposed face veils).

As some have already pointed out, ‘economically inactive’ people are either retired, in education, looking after their children or families, or have a long-term illness or disability.

The truth is that most Muslim women who are ‘economically inactive’ are carers for other family members (44%) e.g. caring for children, the elderly, relatives with a disability etc. Or they are in further or higher education (21.3%). Not because they’re ‘unemployed’ as UKIP say, and certainly NOT because they wear a face veil ‘precluding them from employment’ as was claimed.

Put simply the UKIP campaign lied, because the number of unemployed Muslim women in 2015 was actually 16%.

This is deeply damaging for our society as these lies went unchallenged and potentially were aired to millions of viewers. Furthermore, it furthers misogynistic attitudes about women who take on caregiving roles; it is often an unrecognised and undervalued labour, which actually contributes to society in many ways both short and long-term.

Since then Paul Nuttal suffered a devastating defeat in his constituency by the Conservatives. He polled 3,308 votes to their 27,271. UKIP in general underwent huge losses in this general election and failed at securing any constituency seats, proof that basing a campaign on attacking Muslim women doesn’t actually pay off.

In the end, the British people voted that UKIPs policies were generally irrelevant to them.

Moreover, the biggest win – given the lies Mr Nuttal pushed, had to be the amount of Muslim women MPs that soared through their election campaigns with massive voter majorities.

So let’s take a moment to appreciate what Muslim women leaders, elected to be our MPs nation-wide, are doing for our country. (Notice the pitiful number of votes UKIP got on each graphic).

In no particular order, I present to you:

Naz Shah MP

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Congrats to @NazShahBfd, she had a huge win in  Bradford West despite having to overcome what some have called a misogynistic campaign against her. She has campaigned fearlessly to raise the profile of issues around domestic violence against women. She received 22k majority votes.

Dr Rosena Allin-Khan MP

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Representing what I love about London: @DrRosena a Muslim, female, NHS A&E doctor of half-Pakistani half-Polish heritage is MP for Tooting. She received a 15k majority.

Rupa Huq MP

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@RupaHuq (sister of TV presenter Konnie Huq) is another Muslim female elected to be MP of Ealing and Acton, almost 14k majority.

Nus Ghani MP

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@Nus_Ghani, a Muslim woman elected to be MP for Wealden. She used to work in the charity sector & won with a 23k majority vote.

Tulip Siddiq MP

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@TulipSiddiq a Muslim woman elected as MP for Hampstead & Kilburn, she does a lot of interfaith campaigning and won with a 15.5k majority

Shabana Mahmood MP

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@ShabanaMahmood, a Muslim female elected as MP for Birmingham Ladywood. She was one of the UKs first Muslim female MPs to be elected (in 2010). Nearly a 29k majority. Wow.

Rushanara Ali MP

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@rushanaraali, a Muslim woman elected again to be MP for Bethnal Green and Bow. She’s also the UKs trade envoy for Bangladesh. She achieved a whopping 35k majority. That’s literally one of the most popular constituency MPs in UK history!

Yasmin Qureshi MP

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@YasminQureshiMP, another Muslim woman MP, elected for Bolton South East. She’s a barrister in criminal law and received a 13k majority.

The lesson here is that UKIP really needed to do some proper research on Muslim women rather than peddle out misogynistic myths. Instead of falsifying stats about a group of women in the UK who already receive so much abuse and disproportionately face violent public attacks, UKIP should learn from the many examples of Muslim women in education and should go educate themselves about how these women contribute to our society.

In our ever increasing post-truth culture, such publicly broadcasted false facts indicate a worrying trend; one where Muslim women may be seen as easy targets, not just by the thugs on the street or within communities, but clearly also by would-be politicians vying for influence and votes.

But, as they say, what goes around comes around and ironically enough Paul Nuttal has since resigned as UKIP leader. Now it is he who is ‘unemployed’.

Or maybe that’s ‘economically inactive’?

By Mariam Hakim

*Read the full transcript of the Paul Nuttal interview here.

Mariam Hakim is a communications professional who regularly writes about faith, gender and parenting issues. Follow @MariamKSHakim

Disclaimer: the opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the original author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the website. 
Image credit: https://www.longroom.com/discussion/456827/how-dare-you-tell-muslim-women-what-to-wear-hijab-wearing-woman-storms-ukips-general-election-accusing-paul-nuttall-of-racism-after-he-promises-to-ban-the-burka


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The Irony of Oppression

According to Google, the definition of oppression is the prolonged, cruel or unjust treatment or exercise of authority. And according to UKIP leader Paul Nuttall, the burqa is a symbol of oppression and is the latest headline act (so to speak) of the party’s attempt to gain favour. Politicians have used Muslim women as targets for criticism as well as scapegoats for a few years now, however Nuttall’s main points (in his thoroughly inaccurate and logic-deprived argument) are that the burqa poses a security risk, prevents integration and is oppressive against women.
Has Paul Nuttall or indeed anyone else for that matter harboring these views on a public platform ever considered having a normal conversation with a woman who wears a burqa? One tired rhetoric that has been regurgitated constantly is that this garment denies women a voice because their faces are fully covered and it therefore has no place in modern British society. In actual fact, what denies Muslim women in Britain a voice is not providing them with a public platform to verbally discuss their thoughts, concerns and opinions. Faces may be covered, but I’m pretty sure that vocal chords are not. Yet, there are people who make those decisions for us every day and decide that because of the way we choose to express our faith we’re automatically oppressed, repressed…any other form of “essed”.

A classic example? David Cameron. He wasn’t talking about the burqa specifically however there was the classic “Muslim women are traditionally subservient” – I’d love to know how many of us told him that in order for him to reach that conclusion.
It’s the same notion of a decision being made for us without a) our consent or input and b) the most BASIC forms of research. By basic research I mean a conversation, a real, human conversation. A great portion of society love to talk about Muslim women in Britain, but not talk with Muslim women in Britain.

This stems back to an equally infuriating trend where as Muslim women, our bodies and choices are constantly used as political canvases without us having any say in how the picture is painted.

That’s the first step in bringing people together, actually sitting down and being willing to find out about what you don’t know. As far as I’m aware there haven’t been any conversations between Muslim women and Paul Nuttal but somehow he has given multiple TV interviews and stated that the burqa hinders integration, which made me think of visibility and the fear of the unknown. The general consensus is that we’re afraid of what we do not know and what we cannot see, with the burqa it’s a case of “I can’t see your face, therefore I can’t make an instant summation of your identity but I’m not sure about saying hello either”. At the same time, there’s also this constant need to know why Muslim women in Britain do (insert anything here).

And funnily enough, “because it’s my own personal choice and how I choose to express myself as a Muslim and connect to my faith” hasn’t been deemed acceptable. This deepens the irony even further due to ignorant press publications (yes The Sun, I mean you) constantly demanding us to answer for our choices as individuals.
If we choose to wear the hijab or burqa, it becomes everything that defines us and we’re ‘victims of oppression’. If we don’t, we become examples of women who have ‘broken barriers’ and have opted for a more modern way of life. If we wear make-up, we’re not modest enough. If we don’t wear make-up, we don’t make enough of an effort to present ourselves. If we’re practising Muslims, we apparently don’t integrate with society. If we speak out against prejudice, injustice and stereotypes we’re told to calm down and not be so opinionated. If we choose not to because we know that we will receive verbal backlash, we then become mere doormats who have been silenced by the ‘archaic’ rules of our religion.
Damned if we do and damned if we don’t.
Second question: has any harm ever come to anyone in the UK (this article is strictly about the issue in the UK and is not speaking on behalf of other countries) due to a woman wearing a burqa or hijab?
This stems back to an equally infuriating trend where as Muslim women, our bodies and choices are constantly used as political canvases without us having any say in how the picture is painted.
In the aftermath of the attack in Nice last year, The Sun published a column written by Kelvin Mackenzie with the headline “Why did Channel 4 have a presenter in a hijab fronting coverage of Muslim terror in Nice?”. To quote the article, he pointed out that the journalist covering the attack “…was not one of the regulars – but a young lady wearing a hijab. Her name is Fatima Manji and she has been with the station (Channel 4 news) for four years. Was it appropriate for her to be on camera when there had been yet another shocking slaughter by a Muslim?”
The full article is attached below, but let’s delve into exactly how McKenzie’s words exemplify Muslim women being used as political canvases:

“Not one of the regulars-but a young lady wearing a hijab” – So according to Mackenzie a Muslim woman wearing the hijab is not to be considered as regular, but something that unequivocally removes her from the rest of society.
“Was it appropriate for her to be on camera when there had been yet another shocking slaughter by a Muslim?” – So just because Fatima Manji is a reporter who identifies as a Muslim, that automatically puts her in the same category as a terrorist who carried out the attack. Right. Got it.

And then there’s this: “Who was in the studio representing our fears?”
This is probably the most dangerous and divisive phrase in the entire piece. Why would the fears of a Muslim for the safety of fellow human beings be any different to the fears of the general British public? Or do we not count as being part of the general public? All of this this was pinned on just one individual who was doing her job like everyone else.
Despite this, a journalist found herself questioned, scrutinised and placed next to those terrorists simply because of the fact that she was wearing a hijab.
Muslim women in Britain did not have anything to do with these so-called categories or separations being created. Too often do we have parts of our identities be it our faith or the way we choose to live as women taken away from us, then thrown back in our faces as the reason for why there’s ill in the world today or why we can’t achieve our goals.
We do not need to be told by the likes of Paul Nuttall and his ilk that our ways of life or a garment expressing devotion to faith are symbols of oppression.
Because like the very definition of oppression, this constant exercising of so-called political authority on behalf of Muslim women living in Britain today without listening to what we have to say has been prolonged, cruel and above all, unjust.

by Raisa Butt

Raisa is a London born -Hong Kong raised – Pakistani currently working as a secondary English teacher but her love for writing both creatively and academically has never wavered. Her particular interests lie in exploring concepts of gender, feminism and multiculturalism in works of fiction, non-fiction and in the pieces she writes about wider societal issues which affect young Muslim women today.

Disclaimer: the opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the original author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the website.


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Women’s Peace Tribute following London Bridge and Borough Market Attacks

She Speaks We Hear organised a Women’s Peace Tribute with Women’s March on London, following the brutal atrocity in Manchester, in which twenty-two people were killed and 116 injured in a suicide bombing at Manchester Arena. We never expected to also be paying tribute to victims of two further attacks, that took place on Saturday night,  4 June 2017, on London Bridge and Borough Market. Julie Siddiqi reflects on the tribute:

On Sunday evening a few women got together to meet, to share, to listen, to connect. The same women who came together on Westminster Bridge met this time at the Peace Pagoda in Battersea Park (no idea why I have never been before, it’s so nice!). It was a lovely couple of hours with old friends and some new. I was completely oblivious to the photographer most of the time but she captured some lovely moments as you can see here. I cried that evening when I tried to speak. We had originally arranged the small gathering post Manchester. Then the London attack happened and we decided to still carry on the next day. It felt raw, still does. Sometimes it is so important to meet and be with others, good people. I was grateful that evening to have that opportunity and it helped to laugh and to cry with good people around. I post it not so you can see my crying face necessarily but I hope people reading this will consider and find chances to do something similar, when you feel you need it, whatever works for you, because it really can be a great help 

By Julie Siddiqi

Julie Siddiqi is a mentor, consultant and activist with a focus on gender issues, Jewish-Muslim relations and social action. Julie was the Executive Director of the Islamic Society of Britain from 2010-2014, Founder and Director of Sadaqa Day, a one day Muslim-led focus on social action, and is co-chair of Jewish and Muslims women’s network, Nisa-Nashim.


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Three Things I Wish I Knew Before Getting Married

Sabrina Mahmood pens her top three tips on getting married.

1. Compromise forms part of daily life

Getting used to living with a new person is difficult, you each have your own way of doing things and have to get used to living around someone new. This can be especially difficult if living with in-laws because the initial few months do take work from both of you, and you need to devote plenty of time to this. Before you get married it’s so important to think about whether you are prepared to compromise. Will your potential partner accept that you wish to work, study, meet friends. Will you be able to share the household tasks, or is all this expected to be your responsibility. It’s all well and good before you get married, but once the Nikah is signed, the responsibilities become real. Are you ready to handle this?

Luckily for me, my husband and I share much of the tasks. As I am still studying, I often come home late. On these days my husband will prepare meals, and vice versa when he works and comes back late. Small things like this are so important, not only does it show an immense love and respect, it just makes life that bit easier when you are both making the effort to take care of each other.

2. Are we really compatible?

At the beginning, it can be really hard to determine this, because human nature means that once we like somebody or are interested in them, it can be easy to overlook their flaws. We can accept aspects of their personality which once you are married might become a lot more difficult to handle. I hear a lot of, once we get married ‘he will change’ but the best way to think is that the person you marry will be the same person before and after marriage, so don’t expect any major changes.

I’ll use an example to illustrate what I mean; if the potential partner likes to meet friends out a lot, at first this might seem insignificant. However, if you live with family (or even alone) after marriage, it is hard enough to find time to spend together. So, if the other person spends most of their free time out, how will this affect you? Will you mind spending many evenings/week-ends alone? It might seem a small thing, but later it can become much more troublesome, so it’s best to iron out these things before making any big decisions.

Another important thing here is whether you have the same inherent values. Does the other person believe in the same things as you. To me education is important, and female empowerment. My husband has always been supportive of these things, so when life sometimes gets tough I always feel supported and as if my opinions are valued. This is really important to build a strong relationship. If he thought the work I did to support women’s casues was pointless or insignificant, this would put a strain on our relationship. Is your potential partner mature enough to understand your needs and support you?

Remember, once you are a married you start to rely on each other and emotional support becomes really important. 

3. Communication is key

One of the key things in marriage is effective communication. We all know this but how does it work in practice? Are you a person that needs constant love and affection or do you need more of your own space. I’m the first of these, and I’ve had to communicate to my husband that a text or a small gesture goes a long way. Do you think you will be able to communicate your feelings to your potential husband?

What about the more serious things, like when you feel down or stressed. Will the other person be able to guide you and support you through these times, or are they more of a silent person who doesn’t tend to offer advice. Remember, once you are a married you start to rely on each other and emotional support becomes really important.

Lastly, and probably very important, how do you both react when you are angry. Luckily for me, my husband’s gentle nature will always diffuse my anger. But if you are hot headed and the other person is too, it can become quite difficult when you argue and say things in the moment you don’t mean. You have to be able to communicate through these times, talk through problems and come out stronger. If you know the other person gets angry easily, or likes to avoid dispute resolution, think about whether you can really live with them, because arguments between people that live together, even family, is inevitable!

By Sabrina Mahmood

Disclaimer: the opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the original author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the website.

Photo Credit: Courtesy of Altmuslimah (David Campbell)


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General Election 2017 – To Vote or not To Vote – That is the Question!

I cannot remember a time when I wasn’t politically active.

In my house, not voting was never an option. The one phrase guaranteed to infuriate my late father was “I can’t be bothered to vote”. My family came to the United Kingdom in 1965 and I cannot recall a local or general election taking place in which my father didn’t vote. He would say that if you cannot be bothered to vote, you do not have the right to complain about anything, whether that’s the state of the roads or how often your bins are emptied. He would remind us of how, in countries across the world, people are prepared to give their lives in order to have a say in how they are governed.

I was reminded of this particular comment of his when, many years later, I was waiting for children to arrive at a session I was running for Muslim youth. One of the parents, an Iraqi mum, came bounding towards me on her arrival and as she got closer, I noticed she was shaking her finger at me. As she got closer, I noticed the beaming smile on her face and that her finger was purple. In between her excited exclamations of “sister Hifsa” she explained she had just returned home having been to London. For the first time in her life she had been able to vote in the Iraqi elections to determine who would govern her country. Her delight was infectious. A middle aged woman overjoyed at finally having the right to have a say in her country’s governance. A right that,  in our democratic nation, every single British citizen over the age of eighteen has, regardless of gender, colour, race or religion. But a right that is only taken up by 2/3rd of the eligible population with over 13 million “not bothering”.

Yesterday our Prime Minister Theresa May called a general election on what would have been my fathers 101st birthday, 8th June. And a number of thoughts immediately went through my mind, including that we now have 7 weeks of election preparation and social media posts in which every single person will want to have a say no matter how much of what they have to say might very well be “utter bollocks”. Aah the joys of living in a democracy!

One particular issue however is going to cause me particular angst over the next few weeks. And that is the anti-voting Muslim campaigners that will be trying to prevent Muslims from taking part in the General Election because they regard voting as being “haraam” (forbidden/unlawful). No doubt they will be using the usual scare tactics, telling adherents they’re condemning themselves to the hellfire if they vote,  by leafleting outside mosques on Fridays, running poster campaigns and producing the dreaded memes as their backup.

Is Voting Haram?

As a Muslim, I have grown up with an understanding of a principle that exists within Islam called “Shura” meaning consultation. This in its simplest form, is a way to harness the views and opinions of those individuals most affected by any decisions that may be made. The Prophet Muhammad would, as instructed by God in the Quran, consult his companions;  “And consult them in the affairs and when you have taken a decision, put your trust in God, certainly, God loves those who put their trust in Him” [Aal-’Imran, 159]

By voting in the election, you are being given a stake in the decision making processes around every aspect of how your country will be run. Every single vote counts and it is imperative that any government that is elected has the backing of the majority of the population that they are serving. There is almost a level of dishonesty that exists amongst those individuals who want to live in Britain, enjoy the freedoms and benefits that being British citizens affords them, but not being prepared to fulfil their own obligations to the nation. For those individuals who argue that the electoral choices presented to them do  not represent the ideals of their faith in its purest form, there are always alternatives available. I can think of several theocratic dictatorships that they may like to consider as places of residency. For the rest of us, let’s make the most of the democratic freedoms afforded to us as British citizens. By voting we are not violating any Islamic laws. We are making a decision as to who we feel is the best to govern the country we call home – our country. And we should make our decision based on those things that matter the most to use. Education, healthcare, housing, environment, foreign policy or social inequalities; make the decision about who you will vote for based on which party has the best interests of the things that matter to you, your family and your local community at the very epicentre of their manifesto.

This the Islamic thing to do. It is not unIslamic to vote, it is unIslamic not to.

By Hifsa Haroon Iqbal

This blog first appeared on Hifsa’s personal blog

Disclaimer: the opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the original author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the website.

Image credite: Daily Express website